Misc- My life as an outed lesbian

Being an out lesbian has definitely had a huge impact on my life.  It hasn’t been an easy one either that’s for sure.  Being out with my sexual orientation has definitely stirred up a lot of hatred over the years. I’ve been bullied, harassed, and even beaten up.  There are times when I would wish I wasn’t gay and that I was straight so I would be normal like everyone else.  I tried to put my feelings aside and try and hide who I really am, but it never seemed to work and I was never comfortable. 

When I came out and finally accepted whom I was I lost a lot of my close friends.  It was really hurtful.  I felt very betrayed and I didn’t understand why once I came out they left? I was still the same person I was before just a lot happier and more comfortable with myself.  I also got a lot of harassment from my lacrosse team in high school. 

I had a rainbow hacky sac and would play with it before practice started to kill the time.  One day a girl on my team takes it from me and starts throwing to everyone else on the team and wouldn’t give it back. I asked politely if I could please have it back and they all just laughed at me asking me why I had a rainbow hacky sac.  I told them it was because I liked the colors of it and it looked cool when being kicked up in the air.  The one who took it from proceeded to say that’s not it, it’s because you’re a dyke isn’t it? I didn’t know what to say because I was hurt that these people are my teammates and a lot of them I’ve been playing with for years.  It was no question that I was gay I just didn’t feel like it was important to tell everyone.  Of course I didn’t say anything to the coaches because I didn’t want to have the team turn on me and give them another reason to bully me. 

On another day that season another two girls on my team were chasing me around the parking lot calling me a fag trying to spit on me. I was really upset and they made me feel uncomfortable with my orientation.  Again I dint say anything to the coaches because they were already acting differently and awkward when I came out.  This was the last year I played because it wasn’t worth the stress of being harassed and having my teammates treat me like that.  I was really angry because I love the sport and have been playing it for 8 years and then they just killed it for me.

I didn’t tell anyone about what happened because I was embarrassed and ashamed to be gay.  It wasn’t until I got to college that I really started feeling comfortable in my own skin again.  It wasn’t until I cut all my hair off this past July that I really embraced who I was and didn’t care about what anyone else thought because I was finally truly happy with myself.  I don’t know what the future is going to be like as an openly gay teacher but all I know is I’m not going back in the closet and hiding who I am anymore.  Even with all the harassment and bullying and if I could have the choice to be gay or straight I would stay who I am, Daniella Grimaldi, a fun, loving person who would do anything for anyone who just happens to be a lesbian.